Platform Shoes For All Seasons

“Cmon Alice, you have to admit it was funny.” Wee Jeannie Munro laughed. The narrow eyes of Alice Campbell gazed angrily towards my friend Megsey and myself.

She looked at our three inch platforms then mouthed “If either of you break your legs in those things don’t come running to me.”

But, for two young tufty haired fifteen year olds platforms were for all seasons which included going on holiday. I had been invited to join my friend Megsey and her mother and next door neighbour Wee Jeannie on a week’s vacation to Torquay and excitement was upon me.

Wee Jeannie Munro put her hand on my shoulder and said,

“Never mind hen, you’ve done the jinx, things will go smoothly now, but we do want a laugh so no worries if things don’t.”

The holiday had started with me wobbling from side to side, hanging on to the side barre of the upper deck of the №45. Against the wisdom of Mrs Campbell, Megsey and I decided to go upstairs because that was the cool thing to do and one thing Megsey and were — we were cool. Megsey managed to glide gracefully along the alleyway and sat at the seat behind the one at the front window. I inched forward shuggling from side to side and was just about to sit on the seat when the bus turned a corner. I lost my balance and torpedoed straight into the man sitting at the front window. And, as it happened, he had a hair piece on which moved forward, forward and forward, eventually landing on the window ledge.

Now, If that wasn’t bad enough, the poor man was then subjected to a chorus of Glaswegian accents ribbing:-

“Hair, we go, hair we go, hair we go” and “hair today, gone tomorrow.” Even Megsey got into the act when she turned to me and sniggered, “This is defo a hair raising experience.”

Now, I was standing at platform One in Glasgow Central with Megsey, her mum and Wee Jeannie. As I stood on the platform I sensed that Mrs Campbell now had second thoughts about bringing me along.

Megsey and I had a track record of unintentionally getting into some form of mishap. Six months earlier, I had no eyebrows because I used Immac, hair remover instead of having the patience to use tweezers and shockingly ended up with no eyebrows. Megsey was neither no stranger to misfortune, one evening at the local disco she had this bright idea of creating a top in silver foil. I have to admit even I was uncertain on it its viability as a top and unfortunately, I was proven correct when during Dawn’s Tie A Yellow Ribbon Around The Old Oak Tree, the silver creation shrivelled up leaving her embarrassed.

But in any case, Megsey and I bubbled with excitement, one whole week away from Spam Valley. We were certainly going to make memories to remember and I have to admit, we did. The train chugged down to Preston, to Exeter and then finally to our destination of Torquay.

We arrived, bleary eyed and weary around 6am, to a sunny Torquay, As we arrived at the reception area we were informed that we had to wait until our caravan was ready.

“You should be able to gain access around mid-day.”

“But that’s six hours away,” Megsey moaned, “I’m shattered.”

The six hours of passing time, with sleep washing over us was the only part of the holiday that we did not enjoy, but we found a place to lie in the sun and waited until mid-day.

Finally, our caravan was ready and with eyelids nearly fixed tightly we shuffled over to it. Megsey and I were assigned the smallest room, with a double bed but we didn’t care. We were going to have fun but at that moment, we required rest.

Beeson’s Holiday Camp was just like we imagined from watching ’ Hi Di Hi’ on the telly. Yellow coats, indoor and outdoor pool, putting pitch and competitions like knobbly knees, and gorgeous granny. Upon reflection, it was tacky but, in the warm heat of a 70s summer, it was a lot of fun for two fifteen year olds. We danced the bump and wheezed The Streak, we were sick on the Waltzers and I won a teddy on the hoop-la and we did it all on our platforms.

One evening after several hours roller skating Megsey and I decided to go for chips. We were in high spirits. It was Megsey’s suggestion that we ought to climb the chubby ash tree. My eyes widened and I said

“No way, not on these shoes.” Before I could explain that it was easier to climb up than down Megsey was perched on the tree shrieking with delight.

“Ah ye fearty” she hollered.

Then, the shrieks faded and I heard the gulp of apprehension. Despite several attempts and as I feared Megsey could not get down.

“I’ll take my shoes off” she shouted but I knew it would make no difference because, the branches would slice into her feet. Megsey was fixed to the tree and required help to get down.

I was just about to turn to get help when a giggling Wee Jeannie Munro popped up. Wee Jeannie, five foot nothing. was the type of woman that would bring out the Royal Albert tea set when you visited her but equally could be a bit of a nippy sweetie with a definite sour barb. But, one thing about Wee Jeannie, she was fun and always had a solution.

“Here” she shouted “put on my shoes, we’re the same size.”

“I can’t reach.” Megsey howled.

“Wait a minute.” Then Wee Jeannie Munro maneuvered up to the first branch where unfortunately her green silk top snuck onto a branch, securing her to the spot.

Now Mrs Campbell appeared, her face bright red with embarrassment.

“You’re making a fine show of us. Can I no take you anywhere?

Now to cut a long story short, I did the only thing possible and I suppose I was the hero of the moment, I went to get help by finding a Yellow Coat who came to the rescue with a ladder. By then a crowd had gathered, and were embracing the spectacle. As I write, a mischievous thought comes to mind — shame that this happened before the invention of the mobile phone. Oh how I would love to see that footage today.

With the assistance of the ladder both Megsey and Wee Jeannie managed to descend to terra firma and I am glad to report that both of them suffered no injury.

However, I swivelled towards Megsey and laughed “That was defo a tree-mendous experience.”

Mrs Campbell, Wee Jeannie, Megsey and I sniggered all the way to our caravan and we all had the most amazing seven days in the beautiful seaside resort of Torquay.